I wonder how many of you are afraid of spiders? How many of you are afraid to fly? I wonder how many of you have OVERCOME those fears?
I am sorta afraid of buses. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh… it’s not crazy. In February 1996, an IRA bomb detonated prematurely on a bus here in London. My roommate and I heard a noise and then sirens. She looked at me and said, “I hope that wasn’t a bomb.”
Uhm, yeah, it was.
Between the Docklands bombing AND being in the tube when they disabled a bomb at Charing Cross AND also the fear of mad cow AND being here in London on 7/7/05, I was pretty sure that I would never ride public transport ever again.
So back to my point… I haven’t been on a city bus since 1996… because I have no need to go on a bus… ever. But this is the year I stop being a dork about stuff like this. No need to live in fear, right? So I went on a city bus, this week, and it was totally fine.
I didn’t die.
I didn’t even have a panic attack.
I just got on the bus and got off a few stops later.
I think throwing yourself into something is the best way to overcome fear.
What do you think?
I still get a ton of questions about bosses, coworkers and Facebook.
Let me quickly summarize my recommendations.
- You don’t have to be friends with anyone on Facebook.
- You don’t have to explain the reasons why you connect with certain people and why you don’t.
- If your boss gets pushy, it’s best to save face. Lie.
- You can say, “I didn’t get your invitation. I’m sorry. I must have missed it.”
- If your boss or coworkers ask again, you can continue to lie.
- Eventually these people will get the hint.
- If not, continue to lie.
Emily Post reminds us that good manners are preserving the other person’s dignity.
Well, as much dignity as someone who repeatedly asks you about Facebook can have…
One quick note: you can just leave the invitation untouched in your Facebook inbox. If you don’t accept it or reject the notice, your boss and colleagues can’t continually request to (re)connect.
Or you can block them, full stop, so they can’t see you.
They will never know.
Or we can all just grow the hell up.
I was just asked, “What if I can’t get anyone to write a LinkedIn recommendation for me?”
I have a similar problem. I have worked with amazing people who would pick up the phone and make a call for me in a heartbeat; however, no CEO or CIO worth his salt would write a public LinkedIn recommendation. The company lawyers would kill him. And my HR colleagues can’t give public recommendations because they lecture employees not to give public recommendations. There’s too much risk and liability involved.
I wouldn’t worry too much about LinkedIn recommendations if you have great people in your network who’ve got your back. LinkedIn wants you to endorse people — and seek out endorsements — so that additional date can be collected. You are being profiled. Your data is being sold. That’s it.
If you have people who are willing to talk about your awesome skills, you will be just fine.
If you don’t have those people, that’s another story.
I just had a very honest conversation with an HR professional. I told her to stop using the word ‘stalker’ to describe aggressive job seekers. That’s not fair. These are tough times.
Then there was a weird trend on Twitter, last week. The hashtag was #thingsstalkersdo.
It’s funny how most of us are stalkers at one point or another in our lives. We forget about our own aggressive behavior — especially on social media sites where we are all narcissists who want to be viewed and adored — and casually label unwanted attention from people as stalking.
I hate that.
I see the label applied too quickly to people who are ugly, fat and too eager to be our friends. We put ourselves out there — LOOK AT ME! COMPLIMENT ME! — and then criticize the casual and generally nice viewers who respond too aggressively.
Are some people too aggressive in life? Duh. On Facebook? Yes. Are some people too connected via Twitter? Yes x200.
Are they stalkers? No.
You are not Madonna. Nobody really gives a shit about what you do on Facebook. And stalkers are most often men and women who already know you. They are ex-husbands and ex-wives who are mentally ill and depressed. They are former friends and coworkers who are obsessed, unhinged and seriously dangerous. It’s not a joke and it’s not a word to be used lightly.
Most people who interact with you online or try to contact you IRL have real reasons for reaching out to you. Sometimes they need something from you that you cannot give them. (A job.) Sometimes they are your fan. (Whether you want them to be or not.) Sometimes they are just lonely. (Who isn’t lonely on occasion?)
But that’s life. I don’t feel sorry for you and I don’t like your casual use of the word stalker. You don’t want people to notice you? Well then you should really set boundaries. And while you’re at it, get over yourself and lock your shit down.
People have been asking me for favors for thirty-seven years.
Maybe it is because I am competent. Maybe it’s my close proximity to some cash. I have no idea why — but I started counting the incoming requests for the purpose of this blog. Guess what? I am asked for a ‘favor’ by someone I know on a daily basis.
Sometimes several times a day.
Let me clarify. When it is your family, it is not a favor. Those don’t count. You do things for the people you love without any quid pro quo. (I’ve had to learn this a hard way.) And I have a difficult time asking for something in return, anyway, because I don’t really need anything.
Except when I raise money for charity. Then I ask.
I very rarely say no when it’s my friends, colleagues or acquaintances. They don’t ask for anything much…
…except lately I’ve been inundated with requests that begin with the words, “Can you…?”
Can I? Can I what?
Well, it basically goes like this.
- Can you use your social media status to help me make money? I don’t have a good business plan.
- Can you please ask the people you know to come to my website? I want to find a shortcut to building an audience and establishing relationships with people.
- Can you do a webinar/video/guest blog post for me? Even though I can’t pay you and I don’t really think you’re a very good HR professional, I still want to leverage your micro-celebrity to sell my shitty product.
The answer is YES I CAN DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS FOR YOU but I won’t even consider it unless your requests include please and a thank you.
I don’t want a bouquet of flowers. I don’t want a parade. I don’t even want you to exercise basic manners. I want you to say please and thank you because you are a decent human being and you have kindness in your heart.
If you don’t fit that demographic, don’t ask me for anything.
